Every couple goes through relationship problems. Tackling an issue right away gives you a much better chance of getting past it. Here are eight common relationship problems and how to solve them.
Communication
Poor communication is the root of all relationship problems. When you do not talk about small problems, they tend to pile up. If you sense that something is wrong, talk to your partner.
Solutions
- If you are too busy with work or the children, pick a time from your schedule that is convenient for both of you.
- Make sure you listen – you cannot communicate while you are checking your phone, watching TV, or picking your nails.
- When it is your turn to talk, gather your thoughts and stay calm.
- Try not to interrupt your partner when they are speaking.
- If you get into an argument, be constructive and avoid name calling. Try not to raise your voice when making a point.
- Reply or nod so the other person knows that you are getting the message. Ask for clarification if needed.
Trust
Trust is an important component of a successful relationship. Do you have trust issues because of past relationships? Did your partner cheat?
Solutions
- Do not cheat or lie. It is very hard to win trust back after a betrayal.
- If you did cheat, accept the consequences. Be patient if things do not get back to normal right away.
- If you want to win them back, put in the work to rebuild that trust.
- Do not dig up old wounds.
- If you say that you will call, make sure you call.
- Respect your partner’s boundaries.
- Be sensitive to your partner’s feelings even if you disagree with them.
- And remember what the Gottman Research Institute learned about healing hurts: It take 5 kindnesses to make up for one hurt.
Money
Money problems can start even before you walk down the aisle. The cost of planning a wedding and having children can leave a dent on your finances.
Solutions
- Be honest about your financial situation. Disclose debts and other liabilities to your partner.
- Do not ignore the problem. Identify the habits that contribute to your financial woes. Maybe it is time for a lifestyle change.
- Work with your partner to create short-term and long-term goals for saving money and paying off debt.
- Do not blame your partner.
- Discuss plans for paying the mortgage, monthly bills and school tuition.
- Each partner must be able to spend money at his or her discretion.
Time
Lack of time is one of the most common relationship problems. People can get too caught up in their career that they tend to neglect their partners. What is the point of working hard for your future together only to end up alone?
Solutions
- Contact each other throughout the day even if it is just a text message or short phone call.
- Schedule date night. If that is not feasible, maybe lunch hour will do. Take a break from your busy day to share a meal.
- Plan a vacation without distractions.
- Steal time to have little rituals with each other; examples: 10 minutes in the morning together for toast and coffee; a quick phone call just to say “I’m thinking about you or I can’t wait to see you tonight.”
Sex
Sexual problems within a relationship cover a wide range of issues. Two people who love each other may not be sexually compatible. If the issue is a medical one, see a doctor. If the problem is lack of time, make time. If there was never a sexual attraction to begin with, that could be a challenging hurdle to overcome.
Solutions
If the old spark is gone, there are ways to reignite that. Hire a babysitter and plan for a special fantasy night. With no distractions, you and your partner can get wild in the bedroom – or other parts of the house if you wish.
If sexual compatibility is the problem, talk to your partner about your preferences. Try having sex in a different outfit, different location, or with sex toys.
Sex does not even have to happen at night. Perhaps an early morning quickie when the baby is still asleep? Surprise your partner at home by dropping by one afternoon. Changing things up can make sex more fun and exciting.
More than anything else, create a tone or feeling: a loving gaze, a tender touch, I feel so happy just looking at you, etc. The mood is everything, a necessary precondition for arousal, more so for women than men.
Conflict
No relationship is immune to conflict. No matter how compatible you are, at some point, there will be arguments. If you know how to have productive fights, then your dispute can be resolved right away.
Solutions
- Apologize when you are wrong.
- Try to resolve the conflict instead of simply looking for payback.
- If the way you react keeps making the conflict worse, maybe a change is needed. If you always start defensive, try taking a breath and let your partner speak.
Differences in values and beliefs
How many couples broke up after the last presidential election? Can a liberal and a conservative truly agree to disagree? You may be partners, but you are still two unique individuals who may have a different core belief. Relationship problems arise when those principles are not respected.
Solutions
- Acknowledge that your partner may have a different belief.
- Do not force your partner to change according to your point of view.
- If the argument becomes contentious, walk away.
- If your differences only lead to arguments, then maybe just avoid discussing them.
Boredom
If you have been together for so long, it is not uncommon to feel bored. Maybe your heart does not flutter like it did when you first dated. Maybe you have become so caught up in juggling work and family. How to solve relationship issues when you are bored? Find a way to spice things up!
Solutions
- Create a bucket list for you and your partner.
- Go on mini-dates.
- Buy new lingerie.
- Work out together
- Create a night when you do everything to please him and her night when he does everything to please you.
No matter what relationship problems you may have, talking is always the first step. If talking to your partner does not solve problems in a relationship, seek help from a professional. Marriage counseling NYC can go a long way if you go together instead of alone.
Call (212) 673-4618 today to set up an appointment with a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City.
