Expectations are important. They help us know what we want in a relationship and help us better understand ourselves as individuals. If expectations are too high, however, they risk being unmet – and this can lead to trouble. Here’s how expectations can end relationships.
The Science of Satisfaction
According to recent research in Psychology Today, expectations in relationships tend to focus upon four particular things:
Connection – These are the expectations that one individual has about feelings of intimacy and understanding between them and their partner.
Passion – The expectations one person has about the desire and mutual attraction between them and their partner.
Destiny – The expectations an individual has about whether or not their relationship was pre-determined to succeed, and that destiny has brought them together,
Immediacy – The expectations a person has about how quickly they expect their partner to fall in love with hem. Will it be instantaneous? Over time?
While expectations vary between individuals, these studies show that many couples are for many couples, their expectations about their partner and relationships were not entirely met. The good news? While expectations weren’t fulfilled, those surveyed reported that their partners were only falling just short of their preconceived expectations.
How Expectations Can End Relationships
As detailed by researchers Sarah Vannier and Lucia O’Sullivan in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, unmet ideal expectations in relationships are associated inversely with all aspects of the health of a relationship. Those aspects include satisfaction, investment, perceptions, and commitment.
The most worrying trend in unmet expectations and relationship satisfaction came in the form of alternative relationships. Judging a current relationship against a past relationship, does much more harm to relationships than in any other aspect of unmet expectations. Simply put, judging your current partner against a past one is a recipe for disaster. Why? Because, for starters, no two relationships can ever be identical. Also, reflections on past good relationships often gloss over the negatives and accentuate the positives, meaning you are misremembering an ideal relationship that simply never occurred.
So, What Can You Do?
If unmet expectations are a recipe for disaster, what can couples do? Changing your expectations is never a great idea, as it’s critical to have a healthy expectation of a relationship which reflects your own feelings of self-worth. Your best bet is to be open and honest with your partner through communication. By discussing frankly with your significant other what is, and what isn’t working, you can better understand each other’s wants and needs – and work together towards a better and brighter future together.
Couples Therapy to Help You and Your Partner Communicate
Now that you know the importance of open communication with your partner with regards to relationship expectations, it’s time to implement it in your relationship. If you and your partner feel that a couples counselor could help your relationship flourish by helping the two of you better communicate, don’t wait to find one. Marriage Couples Counseling in New York City is here to assist you and your significant other with any communication issues the two of you may be facing. Do not hesitate to reach out and seek our help. Call us today at 212-673-4618 for the help you need.
