Finally getting to marry your sweetheart is one of life’s great joys. After dating, you finally get to spend the rest of your life with that perfect spouse. Sometimes, that perfect partner comes with overbearing parents. If you are struggling with parents or in-laws who do not respect your privacy, point of view or boundaries, it may seem hopeless. Fortunately, there are practical steps to take that can ease this tense situation. Here’s what you need to know about the importance of setting boundaries with parents after marriage.
Why You Need to Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries with your parents is an essential part of married life, especially if you are relatively young when you wed. If you are a young newly-wed, your parents may still feel comfortable with their previous arrangements with you – ones where they set the rules. While this may seem reasonable to them, however, to your spouse, this may be both upsetting and destructive.
Lack of boundaries with parents can quickly create friction between your partner and your parents, as you may not even notice their behaviors because they are normal to you. Consider the roles reversed. How would you feel if your in-laws were acting in that manner?
What Boundaries Need to Be Set?
While there is no definitive list of boundaries that you should set with your parents – after all, each relationship is unique – there are three essential boundaries which can help reduce unwanted tensions: physical, emotional and financial limitations. How you live your life and spend your money together should not be any of your parent’s concern – unless of course, it is their money, or their credit is in danger. By taking the time to speak with your partner and decide together what boundaries are essential to the two of you, you present a united, loving front.
Explaining and Maintaining Your Boundaries
The two hardest parts about setting boundaries with your parents after marriage are the boundary conversation and then maintaining those boundaries. Any discussion with your family should be loving and considerate. Often, they may not even realize that they are causing problems and will be apologetic and understanding. When letting them know they are over-stepping your boundaries, be sure to be firm. After all, they are your boundaries, and you have the final say.
Once the boundaries are set, it is essential to adhere to them. Your first loyalty should be with your partner. Follow the boundaries set and always act with loving compassion. The longer you continue to enforce your boundaries, the less of a problem they will become and the new paradigm will be accepted by everyone involved.
Contact a Marriage and Couples’ Counselor Today
If you are struggling with parents who over-step their boundaries, or any other communication or relationship problem, Marriage Couples Counseling in NYC has the tools to open the lines of communication and help your relationship flourish. Don’t hesitate to give us a call today at 212-673-4618. Life may not be perfect, but that doesn’t mean that your love can’t be just right!
