Alan glanced at the woman beside him as the plane descended toward Paris. Melissa, her eyes alight with the excitement of travel, laughed at something he said, and he felt an electric pull toward her. Their conversation had flowed effortlessly, and by the time they touched down, they had already made plans to share the night together.
In the intimacy of a small hotel room in le Marais, they discovered each other with a fervor that felt almost sacred. Alan was entranced by Melissa’s spontaneity and grace, her laughter a melody that echoed in his mind long after they collapsed, breathless, into each other’s arms.
The morning sun filtered through the thin curtains, casting a gentle glow on Melissa’s face as she slept. Alan’s contentment was short-lived; as she stirred awake and greeted him, the scent of her morning breath hit him with an unexpected repulsion.
He brushed it off, hoping the feeling would pass, but as they began their day, tiny irritations accumulated. The way Melissa slurped her coffee, chewed her toast with small, quick bites, the fine lines around her eyes, the way she hunched over her plate—all these details he hadn’t noticed the night before now stood in stark contrast to the perfect image he had painted of her.
Melissa sensed his growing discomfort. “Is everything alright?” she asked, her eyes searching his for an answer.
“Yeah, just… tired, I guess,” he lied, offering a strained smile.
They spent the day wandering the cobbled streets of Paris, but the magic of the city couldn’t mask Alan’s internal struggle. He realized, with a heavy heart, that the idealized version of Melissa he had fallen for on the plane was a mirage. The person beside him now was real, complete with imperfections and habits that grated on him in ways he hadn’t anticipated.
That night, as they lay in bed, Alan stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. He recalled an article he had read once titled “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.” It argued that we fall in love with the idea of someone rather than the reality of who they are. We overlook the flaws, the quirks, the idiosyncrasies that make a person whole and human, only to be startled by them once the initial infatuation fades.
In the dim light, he turned to look at Melissa, who was already asleep. He could see now that the love-at-first-sight experience they had shared was built on a foundation of fantasy and projection. The real work of love, he realized, was in embracing the imperfections, the mundane realities, the morning breath, and the slouching at the table.
As Alan lay there, he remembered a book he once read by Alain de Botton, an exploration of love and relationships. In “The Course of Love,” de Botton wrote about the inevitability of disillusionment and the necessity of embracing it. De Botton suggested that the initial spark of passion often blinds us to the true nature of our partners, leading us to marry a fantasy rather than a real person. It was in the slow, sometimes painful unveiling of reality that true love had the opportunity to grow.
Alan suddenly realized that the perfect image he had created of Melissa was a fantasy that had nothing to do with the person she really is with all of her flaws and imperfections. He remembered from de Botton’s book that the challenge wasn’t in finding someone perfect but in finding someone whose flaws he could live with, someone whose humanity he could cherish. He also wondered if Melissa was learning about his imperfections and feeling the same disillusionment about him
Reflecting on this, Alan felt a shift within him. He turned his gaze from the ceiling to Melissa, watching her sleep peacefully. Her slight snoring, which had initially irritated him, now seemed oddly endearing. He remembered a passage from the book: “Love is a skill, not just an enthusiasm.” It was a reminder that love required patience, understanding, and the willingness to see beyond the immediate imperfections.
The next morning, Melissa woke up first. She made coffee, the same slurping sound following every sip, but this time Alan didn’t feel the same irritation. Instead, he saw a person with habits and quirks, someone who had her own way of moving through the world. He realized that these small annoyances were part of what made her uniquely her.
As they sat across from each other at the small table in their hotel room, Melissa looked at him with concern. “Are you sure everything’s alright, Alan?”
He took a deep breath, allowing himself to be vulnerable. “You know, I read a book by Alain de Botton once,” he began, his voice soft. “It talks about how we often fall in love with an idea of a person rather than who they really are. And then, when we see them clearly, with all their imperfections, we get disillusioned. But that’s when real love begins—when we can accept those imperfections and see the beauty in them.”
Melissa smiled, a mixture of relief and understanding in her eyes. “I guess we’re both human, huh?”
Alan nodded. “Yeah, and maybe that’s the best part.”
As they continued their day in Paris, something shifted. The irritations didn’t disappear, but they became part of a larger, more complex picture. Alan found himself more patient, more willing to see Melissa as a whole person rather than an idealized version. He realized that the journey of love was ongoing, a continuous process of discovery and acceptance.
That night, as they lay in bed, Alan felt a deeper connection to Melissa than he had ever felt before. It wasn’t the passionate, all-consuming attraction of the night they met, but something more grounded, more real. He held her close, understanding now that love was about embracing the whole person, morning breath and all.
In the quiet of their small hotel room, with the sounds of Paris drifting in through the open window, Alan whispered to Melissa, “Maybe we’re not the wrong people for each other after all.”
Melissa smiled in the darkness, her hand finding his. “Maybe we’re just right.”
And in that moment, Alan felt a profound sense of peace, knowing that the journey ahead would be filled with both challenges and beauty, and that they were ready to face it together.
At Marriage Couples Counseling, Andre Moore, LMFT tells the story of Alan and Melissa to couples and plays a video by Alain de Botton on YouTube titled: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person. The goal is to get the couples to realize that the notion of a perfect lover is a myth that we’ve internalized because we’ve been brainwashed by our culture.
