Fights in every kind of interpersonal relationship are inevitable, whether they be romantic, platonic, sexual, or otherwise. The fact that we have fights with people in our lives isn’t the problem, it’s how we go about maneuvering through and solving them that is. Often times we let our pride and selfishness get in the way, which can obstruct healthy methods of communication with our partner. Fighting doesn’t have to be scary or difficult, as long as you practice fighting fair together. Keep on reading to learn the five best ways you can practice fighting fair in your relationship.
You have one mouth and two ears, so listen.
A huge problem in relationships is a lack of communication. It is crucial that you and your partner take the time to openly discuss everything with each other, especially when it comes to fighting. And remember, nobody likes being talked over. Not only is it a form of disrespect, but it makes it that much harder to willingly want to open up to someone when they keep assuming they’re in the right, regardless of how much they have listened to you. Take their love language into consideration, and work to love them in the way they need to be.
Don’t downplay the issue(s) at hand.
One thing you should never do is invalidate your partner’s feelings by downplaying the issue they are coming to you with. If you hurt someone, you have no right to tell them you didn’t. So, make an effort to put yourself in their shoes to see where they are coming from with the issue they have. By making your partner essentially feel inferior by disregarding what they are feeling is by far one of the worst ways to fight fair – try your hardest to understand them.
Be open about what’s bothering you.
If you’re repressing your true feelings about an issue with your partner, how can you expect it to ever be fixed if you don’t bring it to light? Fighting fair and healthy communication includes openness, no matter how unsettling or worrisome it may be. You will feel so much better once you air out what you have been stressing about, and it’s essentially useless to keep holding back what’s bothering you if it is a recurring issue. Be true to yourself and your partner by being open and honest.
Keep your cool.
Whatever you do, do not blow up on your partner in the middle of a fight. Think about it: how many times has screaming, cursing, or saying “You need to relax!” actually helped the situation? The answer is probably never. By remaining calm, no matter how annoying or repetitive the subject matter may be, will allow you to fully respect your partner by treating them with the kindness and respect they deserve. In the long run, they will be able to get their point of view across better by knowing you are listening unconditionally.
If you can’t find common ground, seek professional help.
Seeking relationship or marriage therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. You should, in fact, be proud that you and your partner love each other enough to put time into making the relationship work. Professional help for your relationship can help you find ways to communicate easier and find methods of seeing eye-to-eye better. It’s the same as going to a friend for help, only with someone who is actually licensed to do so from a professional standpoint.
If you have been struggling to fight fairly with your partner and maintain healthy lines of communication, look no further than Marriage Couples Counseling in New York City for insight. Give us a call at 212-673-4618 for an in-depth phone consultation.
