No matter who you are, it’s inevitable that you will experience some type of issues in your marriage. You could be the kindest, most tolerant and patient person on the face of the planet, but you and your partner can still face issues. Even the healthiest and strongest relationships experience times where they feel lonely, stuck and like their love has run its course. It can be incredibly easy to let the stress of work, kids and family affect you. This is on top of external issues that may not be addressed, like differing family dynamics, mental health issues and unexpected life events.
The absolute worst signs that a marriage is in trouble have been identified by the Gottman Research Institute and described as The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The following four behaviors increase the odds of getting a divorce to 85%:
- Criticism: Attacking your lover’s character
- Defensiveness: Denying responsibility when you screw up.
- Contempt: Insulting, abusive comments to your lover.
- Stonewalling: Emotionally withdrawing and not listening to your lover.
Adding six more negatives increases the odds to 90%:
- Emotional distancing and isolation.
- Emotional flooding: Overwhelming each other with the other’s stress.
- Overestimating the severity of problems.
- Refusal to work out problems.
- Living parallel lives.
- Feeling lonely all the time.
If you’re worried about any of these behaviors, the right marriage counselor can help before it’s too late.
Marriage counseling gives couples the opportunity to improve communication, strengthen intimacy and deal effectively with conflict. When you attend marriage counseling with Marriage Couples Counseling in New York City, our focus is not simply on the surface details. We dig deep beneath the surface to uncover what has caused unhealthy communication and failed attempts at repairing their problems.
Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble
It’s important to determine the signs of a sinking marriage, as many couples who aren’t aware of them are often left wondering where they went wrong. The issues they avoided confronting could have been fixed ages before they got worse. Here are some of the warning signs that your marriage could be in trouble:
- Constant frustration – always looking for ways to resolve issues, but never accomplishing anything
- Not being on the same page with future goals, aspirations or dreams
- Trust issues, infidelity or betrayal
- Issues with communication that involve not opening up, shutting down or blaming one another
- Believing there may be better opportunities out there, with having thoughts of an affair, leaving your partner to find someone “better” or already having an affair or sorts (physical or emotional)
- A loss of passion, intimacy, love and romance
It is important to be each other’s best friend. A strong foundation of friendship protects your marriage from potential future issues of disconnecting from each other, loneliness or isolation. Your marriage is one of the most important relationships you will have in your life, so it’s crucial to have each other’s backs unconditionally. You must invest time and energy in being each other’s number one priority no matter the stage you are at in your marriage, whether you are fresh off the honeymoon or if your kids are already moved out of the house.
Marriage Couples Counseling in NYC provides compassionate and personalized marriage therapy for couples who want nothing more than to mend and heal their relationship, as well as help with overcoming past struggles and disappointments they have been bottling up over the years.
With marriage counseling, you and your partner will be able to identify present issues in your relationship and discover healthy, productive methods of communication and dealing with them in order to help your relationship flourish.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
At Marriage Couples Counseling in New York City, we utilize Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) to bring about seven important conversations for you and your partner described by Sue Johnson in her book, Hold Me Tight. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy ties in our earliest attachments from childhood to the present-day with how we work function in our interpersonal and romantic relationships as adults.
Results from this type of couples and marriage counseling have been proven over the decades. They are far more effective than other forms of marriage psychology used in marriage therapy. Couples who have gone through the EFCT method are able to deepen the bond in their marriage, strengthen their attachments to one another and learn to how to confide in one another during difficult times. The conversations in EFCT include:
- Recognizing Demon Dialogues
- Finding the Raw Spots
- Revisiting Rocky Moments
- Hold Me Tight
- Forgiving Injuries
- Bonding through Sex and Touch
- Keeping Your Love Alive
By seeking marriage counseling, you and your partner will be able to discover and implement new ways to enhance communication with one another. However, there needs to be reciprocal efforts for permanent, positive changes to be seen in your marriage.
Seeking Marriage Counseling in New York City
Here at Marriage Couples Counseling in New York City, we have over 80 years of collective experience working hands-on with couples and families of all ages. These include people from diverse, religious and cultural backgrounds. Couples therapy includes pre-marital counseling, marital counseling, and counseling for all couples, from heterosexual to those who identify as LGBTQIA+. We highly encourage people from all backgrounds to seek marriage counseling if they are facing issues in their marriage they are struggling to take control of.
Our counselors will find all strengths, resources and even exceptions where the problems you and your partner are facing weren’t as impactful on your marriage. We go more in-depth by asking questions about what communication tactics work for your relationship, the various areas they feel need to be strengthened and improved.
Marriage Couples Counseling in NYC’s areas of specialty include marriage counseling, couples counseling, family counseling, relationship counseling and therapy, pre-marital counseling issues and conflicts, couples sex therapy in the spirit of Kamasutra, relationship breakup advice and help with leaving abusive relationships. No matter what situation you and your partner may find yourselves in – whether now or in the future – we are here to help you unconditionally. Contact us today at 212-673-4618 for a free initial phone consultation.