Seeking love and affecting is something we all do. But, is there a “perfect” person out there waiting for us, or is that a myth created by advertisers, tv, and romance novels? Is finding your true soulmate science or fiction?
Why Finding Your Soulmate is an Unrealistic Expectation
Practically from the moment we begin dating, we spend countless hours dreaming up the perfect partner. Whether it’s a Prince Charming, a supermodel, or a dazzling artist, we all can picture that certain someone we constantly create in our minds. Unfortunately, these idealized partners only reside in these dreams – not in reality.
The reality of love in the real world is that – like everything else – nothing is perfect. Imagining that a person who is perfect in every way for you is just wasted hope. When new relationships blossom, people will point to their crazy-in-love sentiments to show that soulmates do exist. This belief, however, is merely founded on a misunderstanding of how relationships work. There are stages to every relationship – the head-over-heels and crazy-in-love sentiments in early relationships are just that – a phase.
Just Because Your Soulmate Is a Fantasy Doesn’t Mean Your Love Can’t Last
So, if soulmates are a creation of our wildest hopes and dreams, does that mean love can never truly last? Of course not. Love is an intense energy that must be harnessed correctly to thrive. If the energy burns too hot, it will burn out, and if the heat is too low, it may be extinguished.
Not only that but as psychology tells us the world as we see it is a construction of our thoughts and emotions. What this means is that if you are looking for your “soulmate” – that one person to spend the rest of your life with – it is you who create the person and not the other way around. Sure, you’ll need to find a person with the right genetic code to attract you, but all the rest is down to you and the work you are willing to put in.
For example, people argue. Even the most finely-tuned pair bicker now and then. Or, maybe they snore, which drives you crazy. These are small things which can quickly build up and destroy a relationship. If you are willing to overlook these flaws, you are making a concerted effort to make the relationship work. It is this effort, over time, which leads to the type of lasting love you seek in the idealized spouse.
Couples’ Counseling for Real Relationships
Chances are if you found your ideal partner, you probably aren’t thinking about couple’s counseling. For the rest of us in the real world, however, seeing a licensed marriage and couples’ counselor is an excellent way to open the lines of communication and help your relationship navigate the trials and tribulations of everyday life. After all, life may not be perfect, but that doesn’t mean your relationship can’t be just right. Chances are if you found your ideal partner, you probably aren’t thinking about couple’s counseling.
But for those of us in the real world, seeing a licensed marriage and couples’ counselor is an excellent way to open the lines of communication and help your relationship navigate the trials and tribulations of everyday life. We know with certainty that Life is never perfect, but we also know that virtually all relationships can be deepened and enriched with patience, curiosity, and compassion. As Leonard Cohen reminds us, “Everything has a crack in it and that’s where the light gets in.” Call Marriage Couples Counseling in NYC today at 212-673-4618.
