Michelle had struggled with the shadows of her past for as long as she could remember. The trauma of her early childhood sexual abuse had left her with deep emotional scars felt in the present as intense anxiety, recurring nightmares and mistrust of everyone around her. By the time she entered her twenties, she had tried several types of therapy. Among them, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) seemed to offer some relief. The process of bilateral stimulation and revisiting traumatic memories helped her reprocess the painful events, reducing their emotional charge and feel less afraid of them. Yet something was missing. Despite years of treatment, Michelle still felt like a deeper part of her remained frozen.
I suggested enhancing EMDR with Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy. Michelle was initially hesitant. The idea of a dissociative experience using Ketamine made her uneasy. However, after learning about the research behind ketamine’s efficacy in helping trauma survivors and reading about others who had used Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, she decided to try it.
Her first ketamine session was unlike anything she’d experienced before. As the ketamine began to take effect, Michelle felt her body grow heavy and her mind began to loosen from its usual anxious loops. I helped guide her into a state of deep relaxation, encouraging her to trust the unfolding of her emotions. Michelle felt safe, knowing I was there beside her, ready to respond with compassionate curiosity to whatever came up.
Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy helped Michelle feel a new sense of detachment from her traumatic memories. After a few sessions with Ketamine, as she worked with me using the EMDR protocol without Ketamine, the memories of her childhood abuse came up but this time they were less intense. Her fear, shame, and helplessness that had overwhelmed her during our traditional EMDR sessions before she tried Ketamine were now less terrifying.
Now going through the EMDR protocol with me there beside her without Ketamine, Michelle is able to feel parts of herself that had been too terrifying to feel before using Ketamine. A flood of emotions surge up but not in the overwhelming, panicky way they did in the past. Her experience of Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy had helped her create a larger space inside her, allowing her to hold both the pain of her trauma and a greater hope of healing.
In EMDR sessions, Michelle began to realize that she wasn’t just reprocessing the trauma but reclaiming parts of herself that had been locked away in the aftermath of her sexual abuse. The dissociative effects of ketamine had allowed her to safely revisit memories of the abuse without being overpowered by them. She could now see her younger self with compassion, rather than through the lenses of shame and fear that had paralyzed the little girl. She could imagine her adult self offering comfort and safety to that terrified little girl.
Over time, Michelle discovered that the combination of EMDR and Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy helped her loosen the grip that her trauma had on her for most of her life. Her nightmares subsided. Her intrusive thoughts became less frequent. She felt a profound shift in her sense of identity. She no longer saw herself as broken or damaged but as a hopeful, resilient young woman.
By enhancing EMDR with Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, Michelle was able to face the traumatized parts of herself that had been unreachable through conventional EMDR. The ketamine sessions helped her unlock layers of her unconscious and allow her to process memories of her trauma with a newfound clarity and emotional distance.
Michelle’s journey was not without challenges. There were difficult sessions, moments when the weight of her trauma felt unbearable even after taking ketamine. But each time, with my support, she emerged stronger and more connected to her authentic self. After several weeks of treatment, Michelle felt more hopeful than she ever had before. She no longer feared her past but had integrated it as part of her story – a story of more than survival but of hope and healing.
Today Michelle is married and three months pregnant with a baby girl. She occasionally watches Ed Tronick’s Still Face Video with her husband, just to remind herself that in the new life she’s created with her husband, things will always be good, never bad or ugly.
These days Michelle uses the Theratapper she used in EMDR alone while listening to the same music she listened to when she was on Ketamine. Her favorite CD is The Prayer Cycle by Jonathan Elías, Alanis Morissette, et al
