Being able to fully trust another human being can be challenging. We grow up and experience heartbreak, rejection, betrayal, and a variety of difficult relationships. And, each of these situations takes a toll.
(Check out our video why secrets are a lose-lose for couples).
However, if you’re looking for a healthy and fulfilling relationship, you have to make yourself vulnerable by placing your trust in your partner. To maintain this trust, a healthy relationship should always be honest and open, without the need to keep secrets. In fact, keeping secrets creates barriers to communication and garners dishonesty. Beyond the dishonesty and communication struggles, here’s why keeping secrets never work for couples.
Keeping Secrets From Your Partner
When you are entering into a long-term relationship, especially through marriage, you are vowing to be honest and faithful with your partner. In the simplest way, the first harm that comes from a secret is the violation of this open communication. Everyone has a reason to keep their secrets, but the reality is that, no matter what secret you might have, revealing it will always be healthier in the long run than trying to hide it away. This all begins with the breakdown in communication.
The Damage To Communication
If you wish to maintain a healthy relationship, the first place you should look at is your communication. Being honest and open with your spouse or partner is essential to a happy and healthy relationship. Secrets have no place in open communication.
One of the biggest challenges couples make is assuming their partner knows how they feel or what they are thinking about a certain situation. To avoid potential pitfalls, open communication allows you to clearly express your through and listen to your partner’s. Keeping a secret, no matter how small, breaks up this open communication. And, the more you keep secrets, the easier it becomes to close off this important channel.
The Discovery of Your Secret
Beyond the lapse in communication and rift, these secrets can create, one of the most dangerous aspects of keeping secrets from your partner is the risk of discovery. No matter how careful you are, secrets have a way of being discovered. And, along the way to keeping that secret hidden, you’ll find yourself creating story after story to help protect the lie. Effectively, you have no choice but to be dishonest to keep the secret.
And, when the secret is discovered, all of that dishonesty comes to light along with it. Not only does this cause great damage to the trust you’ve built, but it can cast additional doubt on the details of the secret in the first place. When a secret is discovered, recovering the relationship is that much more difficult.
Maintaining Honesty In A Relationship
Ultimately, one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship is honest and open communication. Keeping a secret not only leads to dishonesty -it also cuts off those communication channels and creates barriers. Whether it seems inconsequential or it’s something you’re worried might cause your partner pain, it’s always better to communicate up front and avoid keeping secrets.
Are you and your partner struggling with open communication? Marriage Couples Counseling In New York City can help. No secret is worth damaging your relationship, so let us help you navigate the turbulent waters. Give us a call at (212) 673 4618.
