Finding out your partner is cheating is one of the worst feelings in a relationship. Months and years of faithfulness and trust can be broken in an instant. But what can you do if you suspect cheating? What should you look for? And more importantly, what can you do to pick up the pieces afterward? Here are three tell-tale signs of infidelity and how to heal after cheating is proven.
Signs of Infidelity
They Stray from Predictable Everyday Behaviors
One of the most common signs of cheating is a sudden change in behaviors and actions. These are especially good indicators something may be up if they come out of the blue and with no real reason for them occurring other than infidelity or some other hidden life.
When you have been with someone for an extended period, you often become expert at predicting their moods and behaviors. When they break from these predictable norms, the partner often seeks to understand why, and if no satisfactory answer is given, or if they dance around the issue, this may be a give away that something is wrong.
They Have Unpredictable Mood Swings
While changes in behavior are a definite red flag, so are sudden, unpredictable mood swings. By either being far too angry – or far too kind – then the situation requires, your partner may be trying to manufacture a situation where they can make an excuse to leave and meet their fling.
By creating reasons to get angry with you, such as a minor disagreement over time or plans, your partner may be giving themselves a reason to storm out so they can have an affair. If you notice mood swings for no reason, be wary.
They Have a Sudden Change in Appearance
Is your partner usually completely unconcerned about how they look? Maybe they usually don’t shave or comb their hair. Or maybe your partner likes to wear her pajamas out of the house. If you notice your significant other suddenly and unexpectedly taking great care in their appearance and what they wear, make sure to take note. This is what is known as “peacocking”, as male peacocks will often flash their impressive feathers to try and attract a new mate.
How to Heal After Infidelity
If these warning signs do indeed reveal cheating, what can be done to help heal? The most important thing is to discover what’s really going on in your relationship. It’s almost always the case that the unfaithful lover is trying to get something that’s missing in the relationship, something that can often be corrected and changed for the better. Once this is accomplished, it’s much easier for both of you to heal and get back to where you were before the problems occurred that lead to the infidelity.
Counselling Can Help Your Relationship Deal with Infidelity
Counseling can help each of you to express your deeper feelings about the infidelity. For the person who was unfaithful, the opportunity to express what he or she was really trying to get that was missing in the relationship, and for the betrayed person, the opportunity to express, the pain and anger of being betrayed and a chance to grieve and heal from it. The therapy will encourage each of you to walk in each other’s shoes and get much-needed insights about what the infidelity meant to the other. This mutual empathy or walking in each other’s shoes can be the foundation for both of you to heal from the infidelity.
If you feel that you need help dealing with issues which may arise in your relationship such as infidelity, Marriage Couples Counseling in NYC has the tools to open the lines of communication and help your relationship flourish. Don’t hesitate to give us a call today at 212-673-4618. Life is never perfect and therapy can help you to deepen your love for your perfectly imperfect lover.
